Category: Journal

I asked a friend to describe me in a few words. The response that I got was “sarcastic, witty, closed off (in a good way)”. The first two are self explanatory if you have ever been treated to a conversation with me. The last one was slightly less obvious. But, yes, it is true. I rarely like to spend a lot of time talking about myself. Even when I do, I tend to go pretty shallow. I also don’t do a lot of talking. I tend to find it a little bit more fun to listen to everyone else and analyze what they are saying for use later. 

I feel like some people are taking the whole coronavirus thing a little lightly. Obviously, it is less deadly than some other diseases. However, it should not be taken lightly because of that. It is like not taking the 500 million dollars because you could’ve gotten a billion. (Terrible analogy, but what the heck). I believe that if we start regarding it as a common cold, then the cases will spike again and more quarantining will be in order. However, if we go on in this panicked sort of hide-in-your-house-with-the-blinds-drawn sort of manner, then there will be a longer period of quarantining, but overall less quarantining.

This morning, my alarm didn’t go off. I mean, I was going to get up on time. Then, I got up an hour late because my alarm didn’t go off. It really is sad being one of the only two people who participated in Mr. Broeckel’s doc chat. It is sad because a) those who don’t show up clearly don’t care about their education, and b) because what they are doing sounds like way more fun. 

My cats are so fluffy. I mean, not meaning to brag, but they are amazing. 

Disregard the above statement, it came out of nowhere, and really doesn’t have anything to do with anything.

Outside, currently, a storm appears to be brewing. There is a rather dark cloud over us. It doesn’t seem to be raining, but I have no doubt there will come harsh rains. Where I want to be it is 13℃ with a low of 9 and a high of 16. It is currently clear. It should be sunny there tomorrow. But spring weather there is currently happening. So, rain is expected within the week.

 

Photo by Sebastian Huxley on Unsplash

I know eavesdropping is bad. But, is it really eavesdropping if the people are yelling? Let’s back this up, because that question seems like it came out of nowhere. My mother and my brother get into some serious arguments. Well, technically my brother gets mad at my mom and then that escalates. It usually centers around things like: when he loses his glorified iPod, homework, or online learning. However, these things can get started anywhere at any moment. I will be peacefully doing something, when it suddenly starts. The tell-tale sign that means an argument is brewing. The annoyed, angry, thunderous, “Mom-uuuuu.” (In case you didn’t know the uuuuu is meant to be interpreted as a groan.) And then the storm breaks. Today, it ended when my mom told him to go outside to cool down. During this whole ordeal, my father is technically supposed to be helping my mom. He does, while they are in the same room as him. Since he is typically in the office, as soon as the arguers leave, he starts snickering. 

Now the real fun (for me) begins. Simple things that wouldn’t annoy a human being can be used against him like arrows. My favorite is if it is before dinner. Then, since he sits across from me, I stare at him. This typically makes him enter psychotic angry monster mode, but it is super fun. Sometimes, I tell him I love him. Everytime I pass him. He usually responds with, “I hate you too.” Yes, I know that annoying someone isn’t the best thing a human being can do to another. However, it makes up for everything he does to me.

Welcome to interactive learning: week five, ladies and gentlemen. My favorite color is blue. Whenever I see it, it makes me feel welcome and at home. Wearing it makes me feel powerful and stronger. It is almost like an ego boost. Like, wearing red is like, eh. But when I wear blue, then I feel like myself and like I can do things, I guess it motivates me as well. This is because blue can represent anything (sad, royal, happy, angry.) When I see the color blue, it reminds me of the ocean and of water. This makes me feel at home, because water is (almost literally) everywhere. It also makes me feel serene. 

Currently, I am at that terrible moment in one’s life, when they don’t currently have a book to read. This could, quite possibly, be one of the scariest things that has happened to me. Aside from snakes, I hate them so much…, this is the scariest thing. I’ve thought about reading Lev Grossman’s The Magicians, but the preview on my kindle didn’t quite capture my interest. It seems too close to Narnia. But, if I don’t read that, what am I reading. And if I don’t know what to read, do I really know myself? 

I strongly recommend The Left Right Game. It is captivating. I am on episode seven and can say for sure that I can’t wait for the next one. 

Today, overall, was rather good. That being in the sense that nothing bad happened. It was super fun to go to class with three other people max. I mean, the learning just seems so personal. I like when the teacher focuses on me and only me. Don’t get me wrong, I am not an attention seeking lunatic, I just like to feel like people value my time. I ordered a new phone, I should get it some time next week (tentatively). Then we went over to my neighbor’s house for dinner. Salmon is like super good, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. There is some neighborly drama going on (meeting saturday) but everything will go how it is meant to go. Just an FYI, lime ice cream goes really well with chocolate ice cream. 

I started a new podcast today. It is called The Left Right Game. It encompasses all the necessary elements of a tv show, but you don’t have to stare at a screen. The Left Right Game stars Tessa Thompson, among others. It is science fiction, and though I typically prefer fantasy, it is amazing. Well, as far as I know (I’m only on episode three).

I am officially retarded. I was making brownies today, and I put the brownies into the pan, without coating it in non-stick spray. But this isn’t what made me retarded. Luckily, I caught myself before putting it into the oven. The following is what made me retarded: I took the batter washed out the pan and then put the batter back in, without coating it in non-stick spray. So, I had to do it again. 

I did a floral watercolor painting. Special shout out to Shayda Campbell, her video really helped. Looking back at the first watercolor painting I did this year and comparing it to my most recent, my skills have really improved. 

I have wondered, vaguely, in the back of my mind, whether or not we are living in a high tech computer simulation. I mean, think about it. 

• We can all agree on the date and time. There is no country that thinks it is the twelfth of never. Everyone knows that today in Portland, OR, it is 9:46. No questions asked. 
• Yet, we fight over everything else. What proof do we have that someone isn’t just testing everything else? For instance, what type of government works best? Do humans always eventually treat each other equally? What is freedom?… 
• Going on right now, are we simulations for what would happen during a pandemic? Every so often there seems to be another sickness.
• In 2017, a group of researchers discovered that they could embed computer viruses into human DNA.
• Why would we have rules? Isn’t that just so conveniently like a computer game? 
• Is the speed of light how fast the computer can transmit data?
• What proof do we have that we aren’t?
• Yanny vs. Laurel. I mean come on? Why in the world is this even happening?

Quarantine is a great time for deep thinking. Here’s the most basic question: Who Am I? I guess the old proverb “a man is known by his friends” comes to mind when I think of this. So, who do I spend most of my time with? If you want the short answer, my family. Basically my brother, my mother and my father. And I guess they have a pretty big impact on my life. My brother is there simply to test me. Sometimes it seems as if his sole mission in life is to destroy me. Other times he is just there to miserably fail at being the comic relief in the family. I must say, occasionally he nails it, but he often gets redundant and just plum annoying. Yet there are those times when he is my number one supporter. And this is why he is my test. Because he can be so many different things, like batman then ice-batman, then blue batman, then heat batman. As you can tell, he likes batman. But that meager attempt at pulling myself out of the spotlight didn’t fool anyone. He is my test because I have to constantly read him, process what that means, and act accordingly. Does that mean I don’t have some fun once in a while? No. Like when he is mad about something and I stare at him across the dinner table. He gets so irritated, but he can’t do anything because our parents are right there. Thank goodness he can’t read me that well. My mother and my father dictate my life, so not a lot there I can talk about. 

It is also true that we look up to our role models and tend to be like them. So… let’s look at mine. Note: these are not in any particular order.

1. Oma 
   1. She never swears unless it is in a dire situation.
   2. When she wants something done it is done. No question asked. My grandfather asked what was in the bag. He is no longer here. Kidding, of course.
2. Parents
   1. Kinda get taken for granted, but do they love me less? Not really.

You can tell a lot about a person by the media they enjoy. So. . . top five books and movies! Top five books would have to be the Harry Potter series, the Red Queen series, the Twilight series, and Ninth House. What does this say? This basically says I love fantasy and fantasy related subjects. But this could be taken further to say that I like to hope. I like to dream. I like to believe that there is something more. If I was a psychologist I would draw some weird conclusion that oddly makes sense, but since I am not, that’s as far as it goes. Much the same thing with tv shows/movies. The top five for those being Legacies, The Good Witch, Supergirl, The Good Place, and Aladdin. Case in point all of these are fantasy (with one sci-fi mixed in there) and therefore supports the above conclusion that I like to hope, dream, and believe there is something more.

What could I change about myself? This question is actually pretty deep. If we know what we want to change, then it tells us something more than what we are. I think that I would change my vertedness. I tend to be an introvert, and I think that life would be so much easier if I wasn’t shy. So I think that I would change from an introvert to an extrovert. What does this say about me though? I think that it says that I love people and I love supporting others. But I am just too shy to do that. I would rather sit and watch people then mingle, because I just feel overwhelmed. That wraps up my deep dive of Who Am I?

There are 52 days until june 19. (That’s when we are finished with school, right?) There are five days until my brother’s birthday.

Math right now is pretty easy. We are supposed to do a certain lesson a week. Since I had to do those lessons before online learning started, I really just have to check the answers, and submit them.

I hate how disappointing movies are if you’ve already read the book. Especially when the characters have lots of emotions and feelings and the actor is really dry. I won’t say any names because everyone has different opinions. I also hate how most dog movies are so sad. I mean, who wants to be saddened.

Whenever I feel bored or sad (not the same thing, I know), I like to think about where I want to go in life. In short, I think about what I want to be when I grow up. This question in particular annoys me, because I just don’t quite know. If you asked me a year ago, I would have said, “I dunno, teacher I guess?”  If you had asked me six months ago, I would have shrugged and thought about being a biologist/botanist. Now I’m onto forensic scientist, but who knows how long that will last. I think that I want to live in Canada. Somewhere near Victoria. Definitely outside of the city, but just close enough that I’m too far out there. Kind of like Ridgefield and Portland. 

Quote of the Day:

“And there’s nothing wrong with being a lizard either. Unless you were born to be a hawk.”

― Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone